More Over Life

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I was waiting eagerly for her outside my class. I saw her from a distance. She was in an off-white salwaar kameez.  She was looking so pure. My eyes froze on her face, and my mind too. I didn't even realize when she came near until she spoke.

'Hey Arush!! How are you now?'

'I think my face speaks enough for me today.' I laughed.

'Yeah..And I'm happy to see you like this.'

'I have got something.' I opened my bag and took out chocolates. 'For you..'

She was pleased and snatched them from my hands. 'Thank you..And what are these for?'

'Just a gesture to apologize for everything in past and then I thought..I have not done that much wrong to you..so I ate half of them again..' She stared me and then we both burst into laughter.

'There's another surprise for you today..so keep waiting.'

She was enthralled on hearing this.

Lectures started and half of the day passed. While I was busy in the last pages of my notebook, she left all her work. She kept on messaging me to know when she'll get her next surprise. But I didn't reply to any of her messages. I tried to avoid her in break too.

I was waiting for the last lecture. I checked time on my watch. It was 2:40 pm. After a while, I again checked the time. It was same..2:40 pm. I thought my watch had stopped working, so I checked on my phone. But it seemed as if time had slept to enjoy a short nap and tease me by keeping both of his arms stuck at a place for a long time. The lecturer appeared to me like an enemy who was not letting us to start our next and the last lecture. The last few minutes of that lecture too passed in my annoying thoughts and impish plannings.

Finally the time came. The bell rang and we moved towards the Chemistry Lab. I was noticing her moves in the lab and was waiting for the time till she got totally engrossed in her work. I moved slowly towards her and stood behind her. I tried my best not to let her know that I was behind her and finally whispered for what I kept her waiting since morning.

'When I cry..when I laugh..
There's only you in ma thoughts..
When am still..when I ride..
It's only you I dream of..

I don't know how to tell you..
I don't know how to put in words..
It's just that I love you..
It's more than love..my love..
It's a bit more than love..my love....'

She turned with confused eyes. She was surprised or to be more precise...she was shocked.
'Before you get me wrong... and take off your shoes and hit me, let me clear something..I'm not proposing. These are the starting lines of the song which we have to perform.' I shot at her without giving her a chance to even react.

'Whaatt??' She gave a puzzled look again.

'What? Didn't you like it? I have composed it specially for our performance.' I was confused too on what was happening. I had never done something like this before.

'No..I mean..the song was awesome. You wrote it..seriously?...aa..I mean, I didn't knew that you have got this talent too. But, the song is really superb..too romantic.' She was happy with my composition. She was filled with contentment.

'Thank you madame' I was glad to make her smile. Suddenly, nervousness overcame her gleaming face.

'What happened Naira?'

'The song is beautiful..but..how will I sing?'

'Look, I decided to give a fresh start to my life because of you. And it will be possible if only..you are ready to help.'

She was watching straight into my eyes.

'Yes, I'll try..I'll do it for you...' She said in a heart touching voice, with a smile on her lips and tears in her eyes. I wonder why girls need to cry for everything bad and everything good.

'That's great..I'll complete the song in a day or two. And, you be ready with this part by tomorrow.'

At night, while lying in my bed, I was recalling the day's memories. I smiled on my own. I laughed on my stupid act. I felt happy to see her smile.

Next day, she sung the song written by me. The song completed in actual terms only when it came out in her voice. Those words needed her voice to reach someone's heart. I just wrote a beautiful composition, but her voice added emotions to it and turned it to something really special.

Days passed. I finished my song lyrics. Our practice continued. With each day passing, I was feeling myself a little more dragged towards her. Though I realized well before, that some changes are coming in me, still the feeling was so beautiful that it overcame my realization. I loved to take care of myself and of my looks because she liked me fit and fine. And more than that, I loved not to take care of myself because then she took care of all my stuff.

I could not sleep at the last night before the fest. There was an emotional roller coaster at its highest speed inside me. Nervousness, excitement, fantasy, happiness, past memories, future expectations, confusion, confidence..the fluctuation between these emotions was at such a pace that I could not separate any of them from each other.


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'Ohh!! What the hell??' I started murmuring around on my own. 

I moved towards the rest room to wash my hands with the help of that slow declining light. I came out in a hurry, closed my eyes and joined hands. I started with my evening prayers.

My brain was neither synchronized with my heart nor with the words coming out of my mouth. In that pin drop silence, the only audible sound was of the hymns. However,that sound was audible only to my ears, and unfortunately, it never reached my mind and soul. Deep within there were hundreds of wishes, fantasies and other not so important stuff : 'O God..Why you did this to me..? Why you did that to me..? I want this..I do not want that.. What I'll eat today..Today she was looking too pretty..' There was a large chaos in the two most important decision making parts of my life.

I don't even know, when I opened my eyes while chanting my hymns. I realized only when my eye froze upon that light which was not declining anymore. It too froze for a while and started growing slowly. As it's size was booming, my eyes widened. Though there was nothing to observe in that darkness, but that cultivating beam of light was scaring me. My chants vanished in between fear and anxiety. The only last words which I remember are 'You always create a rubbish out my life. This time I'll not let you do so. I have always praised you and have not found anything good in my life till date.'
And finally, the light transformed into a vivid formation.

'Aaa..Who..who are you?? What do you want from me??' My voice almost fell to a whisper.

'You really can't recognize who am I?? But you love me...right?' There was an intense sorrow in that voice, which gave me some confidence to stand in front of it.

'What are you saying? I don't know you..'

'I am the one whom you praise each day, each moment. I am your creator..your Lord!!'

I was stunned at those words. I laid down in His feet. 'Ohh..Thank you God!! I am not able to believe that I am actually seeing you.'

'So I am here at your service, to listen to all your complaints. I want to understand what wrong have I done to you. What more do you expect from me?'

It was like a dream come true. I could directly tell Him what I want and how much injustice He did to me.

'Lord!! I pray to you everyday. I go to temple every morning. I know all your chants by heart. I keep fasts by proper means. Then where is the problem? Why you never observed my devotion towards you?'

'Oh!! Your devotion towards me..Really? Do you know actually what all those chants mean? Let whatever the meaning be..;do you actually ever even thought of me while reciting them or while being in the temple? Instead, with your hands joined, you were in love with your food, your clothes, your property..and what not..I waited each day for you. I expected each day that okay..today you'll love me, today we'll be friends. But.,the day never came..'

I was blank on hearing what He said. I had no answers to any of his questions.
'It's not like this. I admit I don't know their meaning. But, I have also done a lot for you.'

'Like what?'

'Like..like... I fought for your temple which people of other religion wanted to demolish last moth. You remember?'

'Yeah yeah..I remember, when on the name of religion, you did injustice with innocent people. You were a part of so many killings, though indirectly. But, you fought for YOUR religion, not for me.'

'You created me as a part of this religion and I tried to save it.'

'I created you as a part of this human race and not of any religion. You created religion. I did not. I wanted you to follow humanity; which you did not. I gave you a chance to serve the nature, to serve all the beings around you,..but you... you were behind that so called religion. There is nothing like my religion, his religion. There is only one religion which teaches humanity, to be selfless, to love. You loved.., but..just yourself.'

I was out of words. I knew what all He said was true.

'I was always standing there for you with my hand extended for help, but you never bothered to hold it. I could not wait for you now. So today I was leaving. But I was not able to carry the mark of being unjust. That's why I am in front of you.'

His words shook me from inside.
'How selfish I have become...I'm sorry.... I always wanted you to be with me. Don't leave..Please..' I was broken. I fell on my knees.

'Just remember my words. Between you and me; there's a congregation of people, creatures and nature. You don't need to repress them to reach me. Just be with them and I'll be with you.'

I cried my eyes out. I wanted him to know that I have realized my mistakes. But before I could speak out anything, He smiled.

'I know everything. And you will be a better being, I know this too..' He vanished and I fainted.

When I came to senses, I was lying on the floor. There was enough light in my room. A new day had started with all things fresh. It was like my new life. I got ready and went to the temple. There was so much happiness and contentment filled inside my heart. For the first time, my mind, my soul and the words coming out of my mouth were in sync. I had only one thing to tell Him 'Thank you Lord!!'

Though I never shared my past, she understood my mood-swings. She knew how to handle me. She knew how to make me smile.

It was our last semester. We were sitting in a class. We were laughing and pulling each other's leg at one or the other thing. Ms. Razia entered in a subtle red sari 'Hellooo guys!!' She was one of our faculty members; the hottest teacher of the college and the first love of almost all the students. Guys used to flirt with her and she also enjoyed their company.

I don't know why a smile was stuck on my face on seeing her. Naira pinched me.
'Whaattt???' I exclaimed.
'Nothing' She collected all her notes and took a seat in the front.
I was wondering if she was okay or was she mad.

'After 2 months, we are having a fest in our college. And I know, you all are very excited about that. I want maximum participation from our college and so the maximum number of winners too.' Ms.Razia continued.

Everyone was eagerly waiting for this day. But I usually tried to avoid such events. So, I was down in my seat, lost in the last pages of my notebook with a  pen in my hand. Ms. Razia was asking the names for participation. My classmates were jumping on their seat for their names to be noted down. But, unfortunately, Ms. Razia caught me.

'So, Arush..I am noting down your name too. What will you perform that day? Or will you be taking part in some quiz?'

I tried to back out my name from the participants' list.

'Aa...Mam...I..'

'Guitar!!!' Naira shouted.
I was shocked and looked at Naira. 'Is she mad??' I thought.
The whole class was staring at me as if Naira has spoken something in French, and now they want an English translation from me.

'No Mam, I don't know how to play guitar. Naira is stupid. She is saying on her own.'

'No Mam!! Arush plays a wonderful guitar. I know. I have seen a video of him with his friend on his phone in which he is playing guitar.'

'No Mam. She is lying. In fact, she has got a lovely voice. I have listened her many a times singing while busy in her phone. She should participate.'

'Mam..Arush is lying..I am giving his name that's why...'
'Mam..Naira is....'

We both were fighting like mads when suddenly we realized that Ms. Razia was smiling. We had put ourselves in a big trouble. We both didn't want to participate.

'So Arush and Naira, can I say something now if you have stopped fighting?' She gave a winning smile.

'You both will participate. Naira will sing and Arush will play the guitar. And this is final. I know you both will prove to be a great team. Best of luck!!! Rest of the people who want to participate can please contact me in the staff room.' She left.

I was annoyed at Naira. What she thought of herself? My anger grew more when I saw Naira's face.

'Why you told Ms. Razia about my singing??' I held her hand and took her out of the class.

She started again. 'Arush..Why you gave my name?? You know I cannot perform on stage. I cannot face people. I..'
'Shut Up!!!' I stopped her in between.
'Who told you to give my name?? Who told you to touch my phone and check videos in that?? Who told you to scream in front of the whole class that I can play guitar??'

She was scared. My anger had no limits and her bright face faded away all of a sudden. But I didn't bother.
'You...were not listening to me when Ms. Razia arrived...I..I didn't feel good at that time..when ..you were lost in her..So, I thought of pulling your leg..'

'Lost in whaaattt??? Are you out of your mind?' Had she been a boy, I would have slapped her.

'Why are you getting so angry? It's just a guitar. You don't have stage fear like me. Then what's the problem?'

I pierced into her innocent eyes and filled fear and tears into them with my anger.
I shouted..'What's the problem!! You are my problem. I have not played guitar since Aradhya's death. I used to play for her and I don't want to play it ever again in my life. Do you understand anything??'

I spoke about whom no one knew.
'Aradhya??? ..Sorry...But I'm not getting what you are saying..' She said with tears rolling down her eyes.

I used my anger to hide my pain and tears.

'Nothing...' I left.

I was furious. I was wondering that how could I lose control over my emotions. How could I take Aru's name in front of anyone? Everything was messed up inside me. And Naira...she was continuously calling me since afternoon. I didn't want to face her or talk to her. I didn't want to talk about Aru with anyone.

I was sitting beside my window. The shops and the neighborhood had been gulped into a plain black wall.

I closed my eyes and tried not to let even a single drop fall from my eyes. Wind flowing through my hairs was giving me an essence of Aradhya, as if she was caressing my hair with her hands.
I don't know why I felt as if someone was watching me. I opened my eyes and looked down towards the road. But the darkness inside me and the darkness outside me gave no perception of depth. Maybe it was my imagination. May be it was just because I was missing her so much.

The clock struck 2 at night. My phone rang.
'Naira calling...'

'Is she totally mad. She has not slept till now.'

I picked her phone this time.

'Hello'

'Hello Arush'

'Are you nuts?? Why are you calling so late?'

'Are you okay? I am sorry for what I did today'

'I am fine. Why haven't you slept till now?'

'Even you have not slept till now. If you are completely fine why are you sitting like this?'

'Sitting like what?' I asked while trying to see everywhere around me to check from where she is seeing me.

'Like a sad stupid fellow' She said in cute low voice, but I could feel her crying at the other end.

'Go to sleep Naira. I don't want to talk right now'

'But, I wanna be with you right now. I know at this time you need some one..I have always sensed that grief in your eyes. I think you should share... & I assure you....You can share..'

'I also feel like sharing this burden with you..and I don't know why..as I have never spoken about Aradhya with anyone..She was my best friend...She was my love.. She was everything for me. She was my world. I met her on a trip to Himchal and I was in love with her at first sight.'

I shared everything about Aru with Naira - the day I saw her first time, how we became friends, how we entered in a relationship, what all fun we had, how bold and beautiful she was..and how I lost her forever.

'M sorry for today Arush!! You can back-out your name if you want to.. But I genuinely believe, that this can be your first step to move on in your life. Rest..you can do whatever you like.'

'Hmm'

'Are you feeling okay??'

'Yes dear, and thanks. Thanks for making me so comfortable. Thanks for being a such a wonderful friend to me.'

'Oh welcome!! Now at least smile a little.' She laughed.

'Okay..and now you should sleep. Will see you tomorrow. Good night!!'

'Goodnight Arush!! Take care.' She disconnected the phone.

Her voice was so soothing that it made me smile even after going through Aru's memories.

I could not sleep that night. I was waiting for the sun to rise. I was dying to meet my best buddy Naira.


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I was still down the memory lanes when Naira came up to me.

"Hey Arush!!" 

"Oh.. Hi!!", I looked at her and gave her an ignorant look. I moved away.

"Is everything alright? You seem upset" She called at my back.

It was the first time in 3 years, when someone could read the sadness behind the anger in my eyes. I could not move away. I turned back "No, I was a little busy. Please don't mind, but I'll catch you later if there is nothing that important. Bye" I started moving when she called back again.

"But, your words don't match your eyes. You can share if you want to. If no, then it's okay, but there is no need to pretend." 

I paused, but didn't turn back and walked away.

Lecture started. I was sitting at the last bench. She turned. She smiled. I tried to ignore.

In the afternoon, I was sitting idle near the canteen. She came with one of her friends. She passed by me. She turned back. She smiled. I ignored.

Another lecture, same story.

In the evening, I was standing near my bus, thinking 'Thank God!!, the day is over'

All of a sudden, she appeared again. She stood somewhat near me. She was busy in her phone.

'Is she following me? Or......No..it's just a coincidence.'

I was looking at her innocent face. She was continuously typing something on her phone. She was thinking something and then typing. She was making weird funny faces. She was laughing on her own. But, I don't know why, I was trying to find Aaru in her. Naira was as amusing as Aaru. I didn't even realize when a smile came on my face, just by looking at her, until she said 'Caught you!!!! You smiled.. yayy!!' She laughed. I tried to give her a serious look this time, but could not. I too burst into laughter.

'What happened to you? You don't even share.
 (After a pause) It's okay..., but , at least you should not be sad. I got scared thinking what might have happened? All okay na?'

She was blabbering continuously and shot so many questions in a go.

'Yes princess yes.. all okay!!' I replied. Her smile broadened on hearing 'princess', but deep inside I was sad again. I could not show her, so I smiled. Aaru was my princess, not she.

'Buses will start an hour late. There is some discussions going on in the management. So we'll have to wait too.' Jamie came up with a smile.
I gave him a piteous smile and left to find a place for me - for only me.

I was alone near the canteen. I was sitting in the shades and was watching Naira engaged with her friends. 'How sweet she is, such an innocent girl.' Her actions, her attitude, her smile.. all were reminding me of Aaru. I could see my Aaru in her. 'No...I cannot have friends in my life..And no one can be a friend as good as Aru.. In-fact, why am I thinking so much about Naira?'

I was confused. At one time I was longing to go and have fun with Naira. She was nice, beautiful, sweet...and considered me as her friend. But at the same time, I was cursing myself that how could I even think of this. She was different. I should not be involved with her anymore. When my conscious was busy scuffling; my heart in between took the advantage. It led me move towards her with a chocolate 'Sorry, for my rude behaviour'.

'Thank you so much Arush!!' She sparkled up, as if she was waiting for this very moment. And my soul was quenched like never before, as if I wanted her to be happy all this time.

Buses started. It was time to say goodbye. To whom I was not ready to even see since morning, now my heart was not ready to leave. She became my only friend, in front of whom I was no more a fighter - I was just 'ME'.

I had a very peaceful sleep that day on the way back to my home.

Although, I didn't share anything, but being with her helped me to overcome my pain. My heart was not as heavy as before. I was feeling more calm and composed than ever. She did some magic. She was an angel. She became a 'Glimmer Of Hope' in my life.

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